As you can probably guess from the title, I understand the audacity of writing this but I felt it was worthwhile regardless.
Today I was out for a morning walk with my dog Arrow listening to the most recent album by Explosions In The Sky when I had a bit of an epiphany.
Before leaving on the walk, I had emailed my mom who had asked me twice already for a Christmas list. I doubt it's normal for a 34 year old man to send a Christmas list to his mom but for better or worse that's the relationship I have with my mom. It has become harder each year to come up with a list because the kind of tangible things I used to collect like DVDs and CDs have become more or less obsolete in the streaming world. I also have a job that pays me decently so when there's something I feel I really want or need, then I usually buy it for myself. I told my mom I wouldn't mind a Movie Pass or movie gift card and I could use a new pair of walking shoes because my current pair has a hole in the heel likely caused by slipping them on and off without untying the laces. However, this year, partly inspired by my friend Travis who came up with a similar arrangement for he and I, I told my mom she could just make a donation to a charity for me.
I suggested the charity Friends & Helpers which I made a physical donation to last night. It's a charity that works with domestic abuse victims who are primarily women and children who have had to flee their homes. During the holidays Friends & Helpers works to give those victims a Christmas to restore some normalcy to a family going through a traumatic time. I drove out to Sunflower School in Glendora, CA dropped off a bag with a couple of movie theater gift cards, a baseball glove, a football, a soccer ball and a few packs of baseball cards. I'm a little out of touch so I don't know if young children have any interest in baseball cards but I figured it wouldn't hurt. The volunteers met me at my car and helped me to take the items out of my trunk then gave me a clipboard to write down my information and I was on my way. It was quick and easy.
There's no right or wrong way to donate your time, money or energy to a charitable cause but this felt more special to me because I was Christmas shopping for a young boy or girl. I realized after the fact my gifts might have been a little too catered towards boys but I'll work on that next time. It was more fulfilling than just clicking a button or writing a check.
Now back to the aforementioned epiphany; I realized during my morning walk that when I was a young boy, my mom would take me and my brother Aaron to pick out toys around Christmas but they weren't for us. We were as spoiled as a middle class family could get around Christmas, don't get me wrong but we would buy some presents to take to a shelter for abused women and children. I don't remember the exact name of the shelter and I wouldn't post it anyway because the name denoted the location and I remember my mom telling me the location was a secret so the abusers couldn't locate their victims. The memory of doing this hadn't crossed my mind for over 20 years until I realized I had done the same thing which brings me to the advice portion of this post.
Most of you who have children will spoil your kids because you love them more than anything in the world and that is okay. You should let your children know they are loved and I'm not trying to preach some pie in the sky ideology that says material gifts don't equal love. One of the most important things my mom did for me was showing love, compassion and empathy for other people which is something that became so ingrained in my psyche I ended up following her example without even realizing it.
This week after Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday, was Giving Tuesday which is sadly a lot less well known than the shopping holidays. I think part of it has to do with the fact that if you're anything like me, first of all- sorry, but secondly, it feels awkward to talk to someone about giving to a charity because maybe you'll think they'll judge you as someone who is only giving for the recognition. Over the last 24 hours, I've realized donating to charity is not something that only needs to be between you and your accountant when you file your taxes at the end of the year. So, don't feel the need to hold back from sharing if you do something charitable or see something charitable that inspires you but most importantly, share the process and experience with your children because it will help shape them into the men and women they will eventually become.
If this comes across as preachy and pious as it seems in my head, I hope my intentions are understood. I don't write this thinking I'm holier than thou. I can be angry, bitter, depressed or self-indulgent and sometimes all at once. I'll watch the David Foster Wallace commencement speech and try to be kinder to people then find myself honking and yelling at a stranger mere hours later but then I make a concerted effort to try again.
If you're looking for a first step in donations, I'd recommend checking a site like GuideStar just to make sure your hard earned money is going towards the charity and not to pay a board of directors who decides a good use of your money to send out nickels and address labels to contributors. The two charities I personally have donated to recently are Friends & Helpers and charity: water. As I was walking back towards my house and formulating these thoughts I felt a great sense of optimism because even though the country feels as angry and divided as it's been in a long time, the overwhelming majority of people are good and the friends of mine with children are raising them with love, compassion and empathy, and as long as we have that-
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